Governmental Guru T-Shirts

"So there's a roadmap right?"

'I'm sorry, Madam, but your child exhibits distinct signs. . . of becoming a U.S. member of congress!'

Books: New - Do It Yourself...Let the Government Do It.

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Kirsten Johnson

Guru.

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Government and Opposition

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'We do spend a lot and tax a lot, but it's the price you pay for living in a money-based economy.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"Remember, junior, in America anyone can aspire to become the most powerful person in government - the special prosecutor!"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"