Government Grant Guru Pillows

'Professor Luftkopf is really something -- he got a $300,000 Federal grant to figure out how to program his VCR.'

'Without government help we can forget about the extra large directors' chairs.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

Santa called but you were out!

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

Government and Opposition

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

Regifts of the Magi

The wave of immigration issues about to hit Obama's plan and the Supreme Court ruling.

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Valentines Day truck

"Remember, junior, in America anyone can aspire to become the most powerful person in government - the special prosecutor!"

'We do spend a lot and tax a lot, but it's the price you pay for living in a money-based economy.'

"Well, we got the grant."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'