Government Grant Guru Pillows

'Professor Luftkopf is really something -- he got a $300,000 Federal grant to figure out how to program his VCR.'

'Without government help we can forget about the extra large directors' chairs.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Sybil Obama

Santa called but you were out!

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

Best Seller in Washington D.C.: Politics for dummies

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Government and Opposition

It's a busy mother's day down there! The glucose molecule got his mom a box of sweets, the histamine brought flowers ... A sodium atom got bath salts, and the genes had a family portrait taken. Frank, the neuron didn't get a gift for his mother. No, he didn't but he always sends a nice message!

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

Regifts of the Magi

'We do spend a lot and tax a lot, but it's the price you pay for living in a money-based economy.'

"Remember, junior, in America anyone can aspire to become the most powerful person in government - the special prosecutor!"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Valentines Day truck

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

The wave of immigration issues about to hit Obama's plan and the Supreme Court ruling.