Government Aid Explorer T-Shirts

'What have you got on how to apply for Government handouts?'

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

Queen of Upcycling!

Baby rocks!

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

Artist on the Beach

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Narcissist in the tunnel of love.

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'We're a voluntary organisation John, they're not meant to pay for it.'

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

"I think I deserve more than a stub on Wikipedia."

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

As Seen On TV

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"We're looking for our local post office."

"Leibniz, Boole and Gödel worked with logic. I work with logic. I am Leibniz, Boole and Gödel."

'Great white shark! Where do they get that 'great' stuff? Know how hard that is to live up to?'

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

'What do you mean 'when push came to shove, I patted'?'

Which came first - the chicken or the egotist?

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

Department of Dot Connection

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007