Government Aid Explorer T-Shirts

'What have you got on how to apply for Government handouts?'

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

Queen of Upcycling!

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

Baby rocks!

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

Artist on the Beach

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

Narcissist in the tunnel of love.

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'We're a voluntary organisation John, they're not meant to pay for it.'

"I think I deserve more than a stub on Wikipedia."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

As Seen On TV

"I knew it!"

"We're looking for our local post office."

"Leibniz, Boole and Gödel worked with logic. I work with logic. I am Leibniz, Boole and Gödel."

'Great white shark! Where do they get that 'great' stuff? Know how hard that is to live up to?'

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

'He's won an exotic holiday to Easter Island and it's gone straight to his head.'

'What do you mean 'when push came to shove, I patted'?'

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

Which came first - the chicken or the egotist?

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

Department of Dot Connection

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'