Governance Consultant Gifts

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

Businesswoman Empowerment

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'