Gourmet Skeptics T-Shirts

"...We don't trust any restaurant that has room for us."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Join me for dinner?

Haute Chinese

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Avocado Timeline

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'It's an acquired taste!'

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."