Gourmet Skeptics T-Shirts

"...We don't trust any restaurant that has room for us."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Avocado Timeline

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."