Gourmet Pup Pillows

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Wine and Cheese

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Dog Chow Mein

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

"She's eating in tonight."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"That cat is just finicky...I think the cat food tastes just fine! How about you, Herb?"

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

"But the best thing about getting neutered, Gus, is that I'm finally able to focus on my novel-in-progress without any distractions!"

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

'Yuck Mum, this wood is way too dry!'

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

I got a dish, but it only picks up the Food Channel.

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

'What about the arts? I need to learn MORE than just obedience!'

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

Water. Food. Garnish.

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"Is there another table that isn't so close to the bathroom?"

'Hey - these things are pretty good!'

"I'm so tired of eating meals from a can...I could spit!"