Pet Gourmet Pillows

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Dog Chow Mein

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

'We'd like something new and improved for dinner.'

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'I wish John would stop using that gourmet pet food that makes gravy when you add water.'

"She's eating in tonight."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"The slow approach, the suspicious sniff, the final turning away...nobody does finicky like Precious."

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

Water. Food. Garnish.

'Believe me, I've checked. There are no shows on the Food Channel devoted to cooking kibble.'

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

'Look at this: We get the gourmet tins while Rex gets the generic dog food...'

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"Cat Yummies again?"

'The cat is finicky and he likes this flavor.'

'Hey - these things are pretty good!'