Gourmet Goofballs T-Shirts

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Shoot For The Moon

"I might just get a pie."

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

The Deaths take a selfie.

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Stand back - while I whip something up

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

"Leave room for sex."

'The special today is scraps.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

"My bouche was not amused."

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

'More Christmas anyone?'

A choice of sandwiches