Gourmet Goofballs T-Shirts

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Shoot For The Moon

"I might just get a pie."

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

The Deaths take a selfie.

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

Stand back - while I whip something up

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"Leave room for sex."

'The special today is scraps.'

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

Time-space portal

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

A Magician struggling to pull a rabbit out of a hat as a rabbit watches from the audience.

"My bouche was not amused."

A choice of sandwiches