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"Did you have any problems at the design stage?"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Build Your Own Portfolio

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Cookbooks

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

The Main Types of Cheese

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Too much cilantro

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'