Gothic Humor Gifts

I can recommend a toothpaste to get rid of stains, but I don't know about blood stains.

"Here we are."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

Vampire collects bottles of blood from his doorstep.

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Date Night

"....and hold the garlic."

"It's people like you who are ruining rock and roll for the rest of us."

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

First Transsylvanian Blood Bank

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

Vincent Van Goth.

Transylvanian Snails.

'He's always been a bit of an eccentric...'

"Wait! First, his attorney."

'He won't bite anyone! I'm hoping it's just a phase.'

Vampire Couple, "I suppose you're out again for your usual eight pints?"

"I've been transferred to the Transylvanian section"

'Wow! Did you see who just flitted past? Count Dracula!'

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

"I figured I've got the money so why not spend it."

Till life do you part.

Fresh Blood In Politics

'Which one do you think Dracula's in?'

'This feels a bit strange: Are you really from the Blood Bank?'

Death Takes A Time-Share

"The meal was delicious. My compliments to the Haematologist"

'Seriously, Earl, if you say you've got a bone to pick with me one more time, I'm out of here.'

'God's teeth - it's just not the same!'

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"