Gossipy Get-together Veteran T-Shirts

"I come to these get-togethers to see who's coming apart."

Sloaney Pony.

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'She's so put together!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

A little bird told me...

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

JET (Part I)

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

Boring Board Meeting

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

Pie chart of pub conversations

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"I did not ram Preston Sturges down their throats."

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

"'Host' and Cheese?"