Gossipy Friend T-Shirts

"As you can see this is pretty embarrassing so I'd appreciate keeping it between you, me and this fence post."

Backfire

'She's so put together!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

A little bird told me...

Bangers and Mash

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

JET (Part I)

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"These brisk fall afternoons remind me of Chekhov, which reminds me of Putin, then Trump, the alt-right, facism, nuclear weapons ... let's go home."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

Stable boys and Scottsman

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

'Washington has wooden teeth? -- how did you find that out?', 'It came out in conversation.'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"He'll see you now, but I should warn you � he secretly despises you."