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The Teachings of Jesus: Day 1

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Ten Commandments

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

The First Printed Bible

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Meet the Author

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

"Who wants to live in a Garden Centre?"

"Sure he's cute, Lord. . . He's just not what I had a mind for a companion!"

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

Rocket Ark

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

The-Lead-Us-Not-Into Temptations

'Let there be cool.'

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"Well yes, son. David probably did have the best how-I-spent-my-summer-vacation report."

"Are you sure this what he said to build?"

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

Little Richard

"God's Gift to Women?"

'The manna's fine, but now we have a FINANCIAL crisis.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I've been trying to apply that 'forgive and forget' principle..."

Golf