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The Teachings of Jesus: Day 1

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Ten Commandments

The First Printed Bible

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Meet the Author

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

"Who wants to live in a Garden Centre?"

Rocket Ark

"Sure he's cute, Lord. . . He's just not what I had a mind for a companion!"

The-Lead-Us-Not-Into Temptations

'Let there be cool.'

"God's Gift to Women?"

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

'The manna's fine, but now we have a FINANCIAL crisis.'

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"Are you sure this what he said to build?"

"Well yes, son. David probably did have the best how-I-spent-my-summer-vacation report."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I've been trying to apply that 'forgive and forget' principle..."

Golf

'Hey! - Do these make me the Aleph-male?'