Goodwood Festival T-Shirts

Woman revives a car at the Goodwood festival.

Glastonbury. After.

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

Yo ho ho!

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Hmm. The lights are on, but nobody's home..."

Christmas sweater alternatives

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'And that,and that,and that...'

Merry Kissmas

A Christmas tree self portrait

Tough Teddies

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

The other days of the year...

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

Elf of the Month

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Are we human or are we Dancer, Prancer, Comet and Vixen

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

Great Moment in North Pole History

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home