Goodwill Guru Pillows

'Your sponsored child and his family used your monthly support to dig a new village well. Instead of water they struck oil - and are now wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.'

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

Santa called but you were out!

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

"Tia Carmen, if times are tough, how come you're giving money away?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Happy hour.

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

Regifts of the Magi

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Valentines Day truck

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

"I make money, therefore I am."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Mother using candy cane to pull son away from toy window.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

Cartoon computer

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

The Ekert Saga: 'Let's put it this way...can you imagine how the world would be if everyone actually practiced hat they preach about following the 'golden rule'?

'Just be patient. Greed always makes a come back.'

'Hey! It's way too early to declare me, 'Nerd of the Century'!'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'