Golf Course Regular Pillows

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

The Disadvantage of Easier Golf Courses

Thanks for the order, JB. Now, how about another game for real?

'He's still rushing his backswing. ... Swat him on the nose with the rolled-up newspaper...'

"I'm here because when you miss this putt, you'll have a hear attack, and I want to be ready!"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do mind if you play through!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Golfing Accident

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Prawn Cocktail Please

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."