Goldfish Gag Appreciator T-Shirts

Sadly, Ralph's third attempt at the World Fishbowl Speed Record was also his last.

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

'Next!'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

'So what have you been up to?'

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"I think we are overfeeding the fish!"

"We have to get out of here! They're saying boil ALL water!"

"This place could use a moat!"

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

Fishbowl Rebellion

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'Well, I think it's dreadful coming home and taking it out on poor Freddy like that.'

Hope and pray it's nothing more than a 'Spectator Sport'!'

"Take the goldfish. If it's still alive in six months, call us for another interview."

"Put the oven on dear, I've picked us up a lovely leg of salmon."

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'Where's your goldfish?'

George realized that eating up the neighbourhood had caused a certain extent of loneliness.

'I tell you they switched us when they changed the water. That's my husband over there.'

'Don't you find watching people relaxing?'

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

'Turbidity is pretty high today, better keep the kids inside...'

"Wait a minute! It's not good to go swimming right after eating!"

World of Cow - Goldfish aren't the only ones to grow into their environments.

'Do you mind if I have a friend spend the night?'

'Water is included with rent.'