Gold Tooth Lover Pillows

'Wow, he must be very rich: he has a gold tusk...'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

I just trained with my two sparring partners over there. A "boxed set"!

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

"You always said nothing would ever come between us."

Gold Crisis

'To tell you the truth, you've ruined the gold market, Mr Midas!'

DVD Video Rental. I rented "Shampoo" and "Private Benjamin". Neat .. A couple of olden Goldies.

"Now she could watch the special on root canal treatment."

'As you can see, we've been recapitalized.'

Pick Me Ups.

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

My own museum.

Mick Jagger at 95.

Queen Anne

"Guard this with your life. The value of gold has gone way up against the dollar."

'And exactly where did you find the 'antique salami slicer'?'

"Let's get to work, there's gold in them there hills."

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

Keeping Warm in the Highlands

National Pottery Live

"I just love these genuine old tapestries on the walls, with their medieval calm. Oh, my—is that a Roycroft lamp?!"

'This is such an appropriate way for us to celebrate our GOLDEN wedding anniversary."

'Why is it that the weirder and older something is, the more it's worth?'

"I'm only wearing one globe because the weather forecast said that toay it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be cold."

'Forty years out of touch with civilization, but with this $5000 worth of gold, we'll live like kings for the rest of our lives.'

'Water is included with rent.'

"Gold is finally making a move and you sit here doing nothing."

'Why don't you just invest in gold?'

"I see you getting rich because of what the gold in your rings is now bringing."

His & her bathrooms, circa 1860