Going On A Spiritual Retreat T-Shirts

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with worrying that you forget something."

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Scurile travels

"I'm going on a retreat."

Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here.

Monk on the beach

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

Priest

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"At last - no Trump."

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

"Yes, it's half past two - is that all?"

Self Storage Unit

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

Spring Training

"That's the dating guru."

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

Go away

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Mother, are you sure your marijuana use is purely medicinal?'