Gofundme Strategist T-Shirts

I started a Gofundme page to finance my writing of the great American novel. In the comments section everybody told me to go fund myself. Actually, they didn't use the word fund.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

Snooze buttons for cat owners

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

The early days of Warren Buffett.

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'Walk softly and carry a large credit line.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

Pound sign in an hourglass.

'You say you want to speak to me about a raise?'

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

"We're making progress."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

Large cap funds

"That wasn't supposed to happen!!"

Tax Shelters of the Rich and Famous.

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'I did well while good news was bad news. Then good news became good news--and that was bad news.'

Feeding at the Trough

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

Zen Wall Street.

'We were just keeping up with the Joneses. How was I supposed to know the Joneses were keeping up with the Rockefellers?'

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

Meeting room: "You said 'come prepared', remember?"

State of the State.

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

"My whole goddam MacArthur is in Nasdaq."