Goal Maverick Pillows

"Resolutions? pfffft. . . just chewed mine up."

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

Guitar Man.

'I'm not motivated by profit, Henderson - I'm motivated by excessive profit.'

Popera!

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

A woman watches football on her computer.

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

Santa Metal Claus

Hacksaw Violin.

'No you idiot! You're supposed to smash your guitar AFTER the show! What are you going to play now?'

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

Boy who has been to the dentist

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'

'I know.. Let's write a song all about the evils of material wealth. After all, that last one netted us a bloody fortune!'

"No, Billy, I don't play the horn anymore. I just like to take it out every once and again so's to give an old friend a great big tallywhack on the head!"

"Do we still have a copy of the pep talk I gave on that day?"

"This isn't going to work - I'm rock n'roll and you're waltz time!"

Pentagon Science Contest: 'I get that a lot...must be from being in the presence of raw genius.'

Putin and Xi Jinping on the moon

'Okay, so we're 4 and 8 this season. Take away those 8 losses and we're undefeated!'

'Dave dropped out. He had chest pains and trouble breathing. They think he may have competitive heart failure.'

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

'To be honest, rock n'roll isn't my thing at all, I'm much more a country n'western kinda guy.'

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

"He writes all the time - OK, so it's mostly in the margins of library books. . ."

If Bernie Ecclestone does not get his pound of flesh from Montreal, the Canadian Grand Prix will not roll.

'Coming to you live. Straight from his last job. Let's have a big round of applause!'

'He's not a doctor or an athletic trainer. He's not even a coach!'

A trip to the vet's.