Globe-trotting Storyteller T-Shirts

"The good news is we're sending you overseas for this feature."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

'What zip code are we in now?'

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'Are we there yet?'

The Demise of Tinkerbell

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

Airplane food

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

'Mom! Do they have traffic lights and stop signs in the sky?'

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Santa's Helpers

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

My Spam Sketchbook

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

'I can't remember the title, but it began, 'Once upon a time'...'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"Have ye seen a whale that matches this swatch?"