Gliding Giggler Pillows

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

2pm meet your Creator

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

I am one with stupid.

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Swinging through the jungle.

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"What kind of mileage does it get?"

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Black Hole Corks

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

Ghosts save on electrical & plumbing maintenance costs because they don't need easy access to the inside of walls.

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

The Big A** Theory

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'