Giant Bird Enthusiast Gifts

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'You know too much!'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

Pigeon Little

How about going easy on the carbs

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

So you're a mocking bird...

Cat tries to reach a birdfeeder on stilts.

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Canada Goose Jackets

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

Spring Training

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

"Is there a vegan option?"