Ghoul Giggler Gifts

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

Zombie standup

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

Clown God

Not you. Your hair.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Get on with it!

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'It was this big. I swear'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Fancy a pint?

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

Swinging through the jungle.

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

Pest control, with death.

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

Oh, oh... I detect traces of tree nuts... where's my epipen?

'You Have a food allergy. Even worse it's to 'O' type!'

Black Hole Corks

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

'Whoops!'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.