Getting Cast In A Play Mugs

"They were all so good at the auditions, that I couldn't pick just seven."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

'I'm a star!'

Casting in the swamp.

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

"First let me say that your father and I really, really wanted to like your performance."

"It's Shakespeare, Mother - please do't keep moaning 'Oh get on with it'!"

"Of course, there's Macbeth and the pantomine season...."

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

'Good lick with your future acting career. And just to give you an idea of how tough it is out there, here's a copy of 'Withnail and I'. The uncut version.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Daddy Daddy, guess what: I'll play the Unicorn in the school play!'

'Well, this explains everything. You've been bitten by the acting bug!'

'You've got the part!'

"I'll do the talking!"

Swan Lake Auditions

"It's not a huge role, but it is Shakespeare. I get to ask the king if he wants bottled or tap."

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."