Germaphobe Pillows

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"

'Wait, this one's a lawyer. We'd better wash our hands.'

'Gesundheit.'

'I don't share my toilet water. I don't know where your mouth has been.'

Sweeping under the carpet

"You know, Burkhart, if you're so damn afraid of the flu maybe you should just stay home."

'Have you washed your hands?'

In the interests of hygiene, please use the tongs provided

'There are millions of bacteria in your intestines, anyway. What harm could one or two more do?'

Cold and Flu Medication.

"Who sanitizes the Sanitizer?"

Now wash your hands...

"Give me a minute. Do you know how many people have touched that lamp?"

"Sounds like an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Normal people don't spend that much time washing their hands."

A nurse refuses to hand deliver a meal to a man with a contagious disease.

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

NHS Deep Clean - 'Great news! You're going to get a bath.'

'Sorry!'

'We've given up on anti-virus software in favour of this!'

'It's nothing serious I hope, doc.'

"I hope you don't mind, but I used your toothbrush."

'It's just as I thought... Cooties.'

"Worried about the city's water supply, dear?"

'Good evening, dear viewers, welcome to the news!'

'Is it contagious, doctor?'

'We've got a new DNA database...'

"I always knew I could look behind the fridge, but I never stopped to ask if I should."

'Not really the kind of cafe culture we were hoping to find.'

'She'll kiss the dog on the mouth, but she won't drink out of my coffee cup?'

Man looking at 'wash your hands' sign in dirty bathroom.

Mistletoe health and safety.

"You know how it is. Now every time I get a little cough, I think it's the Black Plague."

"You didn't need to wash your hands?"

Contagious man in a waiting room.

"For the last time lady fudget you don't need innoculations to travel to Watford."