Germaphobe Pillows

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"

'Wait, this one's a lawyer. We'd better wash our hands.'

'Gesundheit.'

'I don't share my toilet water. I don't know where your mouth has been.'

Sweeping under the carpet

"You know, Burkhart, if you're so damn afraid of the flu maybe you should just stay home."

'Have you washed your hands?'

In the interests of hygiene, please use the tongs provided

Cold and Flu Medication.

'There are millions of bacteria in your intestines, anyway. What harm could one or two more do?'

"Who sanitizes the Sanitizer?"

"Give me a minute. Do you know how many people have touched that lamp?"

A nurse refuses to hand deliver a meal to a man with a contagious disease.

"Sounds like an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Normal people don't spend that much time washing their hands."

Now wash your hands...

"I hope you don't mind, but I used your toothbrush."

"Worried about the city's water supply, dear?"

'Good evening, dear viewers, welcome to the news!'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

'Sorry!'

'It's nothing serious I hope, doc.'

'We've given up on anti-virus software in favour of this!'

'It's just as I thought... Cooties.'

'Is it contagious, doctor?'

NHS Deep Clean - 'Great news! You're going to get a bath.'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"I always knew I could look behind the fridge, but I never stopped to ask if I should."

'I don't carry water anymore. It's hand sanitizer.'

"You're gonna get the virus! Get your hands off your face!"

"You know how it is. Now every time I get a little cough, I think it's the Black Plague."

"What's the protocol here? Shake hands, then sanitize, or sanitize, then shake?"

Spiderman Flu

"Are you sure it's nothing to worry about?"

'To all you poor souls suffering with colds in January, I think I speak for everyone when I say go and die somewhere else!'

'If I keep bringing diseases home from school, maybe I shouldn't go to school.'