German Traditions Pillows

"His name is Fritz and he is into Shmaltz!"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Paul Ree

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"Did you check the little patch of grass by the swing set?"

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"I noticed a few browns."

Christmas TV...

'I'm dreaming of a green Christmas, with every recycled Christmas card I write...'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Merry Kissmas

Here is our spot, I sink, Helga.

"We're history, Rudolph....I tell ya, we're history."

Easter Bunny!

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

"Trust me – she's a witch."

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

'You can forget about the fertility dance this year - we've already got ten kids!'

"I don't care what your father said, Santa likes milk and cookies NOT beer and pretzels!"

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Brothers Grimm

'You have your Boxing Day dip and I'II have mine...'

'Bad news is Tim Turkey is dead, the good news is I've made a wish!'

"I'm a little angel when I'm asleep. Does that count?"

Centaur becomes pantomime horse

Brunhilde

"Let's start a new tradition! You're each responsible for one thanksgiving dish!"

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

Carl Maria von Weber

'This is just a holiday tradition - It's nothing personal.'

Gutrine

12;24. 11:15. 11:45. I can't continue to tell Mrs. Claus the fib that I hardly ever eat the cookies that are left out for me. She figured out how to hack into security camera streams all over the world last year.

Ernie loves to decorate his Christmas tree. He starts by untangling and testing a string of lights. Every year he makes new popcorn and cranberry garlands. He has to find the right spot for each family heirloom ornament. Now, should I finish it off with Johnny Depp or Beyonce? Ernie has his own idea about putting a star on top!

Darning the Stockings