Geo-savvy Jokers Pillows

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"With the way the weather is these days I went ahead and packed my bathing suit, sun screen and cross country skis."

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'No, I mean, what's a 'letter'?'

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

"There is no 'virtual arrest button', you'll have to get off your butt and do it manually."

"The bad news is climate change is for real. The good news is it will make the liberal left extinct by 2050."

'We'll need a different package. It deems the new preservative dissolves cardboard.'

Trees talking, "Hey your roots are showing"

"Did you notice the 30 mph sign back there?"

"We're under stage four water restrictions!"

"Welcome to New Jersey, the 'What is that smell?' state."

'We're rich beyond our wildest dreams. We've struck printer ink!'

'I'm seeing 37 facebook requests from the afterlife !'

Net Etiquette

Weather Forecast for Hell," Once again it will be hot."

'As a Northern couple we've always believed in microclimate change; put on some shorts and a T-shirt and you might as well be in Torremolinos.'

"Bluetooth costs extra."

E-Vote

STRIP Hambone: Safety on your PC

Facial hair continental drift.

"Hot enough for you?"

Do you actually know the capital of Japan? Of course I do...J.