Geo-savvy Jokers Pillows

If God had accidentally & simultaneously butt-dialed everyone in California

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Google signwriter.

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

Australia. I wonder if political spokesmen in the southern hemisphere spin the news in the opposite direction.

"With the way the weather is these days I went ahead and packed my bathing suit, sun screen and cross country skis."

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"The bad news is climate change is for real. The good news is it will make the liberal left extinct by 2050."

"There is no 'virtual arrest button', you'll have to get off your butt and do it manually."

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

'No, I mean, what's a 'letter'?'

'We'll need a different package. It deems the new preservative dissolves cardboard.'

Trees talking, "Hey your roots are showing"

"Welcome to New Jersey, the 'What is that smell?' state."

"Did you notice the 30 mph sign back there?"

"We're under stage four water restrictions!"

'We're rich beyond our wildest dreams. We've struck printer ink!'

STRIP Hambone: Safety on your PC

Net Etiquette

'As a Northern couple we've always believed in microclimate change; put on some shorts and a T-shirt and you might as well be in Torremolinos.'

E-Vote

"Bluetooth costs extra."

Weather Forecast for Hell," Once again it will be hot."

'I'm seeing 37 facebook requests from the afterlife !'

"Hot enough for you?"

Facial hair continental drift.

I'm afraid you've got a bad case of the dry Tortugas, Mr. Fusco. ? ?