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"First I need your account number, and then the name and location of your offshore bank."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Aladdin's Less Magic Carpet Ride.

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

Storm in a magic lamp.

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

"No one summons me anymore. They all have oil."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

"Are we really gonna do this?!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"Then one day I thought, what the hell?! Maybe it's time I started granting a few of my own wishes."

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Leonardo's first drawing

Genie Barbecue.

"I want to make a wish, but the problem is that this genie apparently does not speak English."

"Only three wishes, eh? Well, let's see what my lawyer has to say about that!"

"Your third wish should have been to make the first two wishes tax free."

"And for my third wish I want a further three!"

Candle Moment

'Rubbing it no longer produces a genie. Now you need a username, password and an unreadable CAPTCHA.'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'

"I wish I could give you a pay rise, a bonus, and an extra week of vacation, but..."

'Yeah...all the good bottles were taken.'

Snowman Romance

"I guess you haven't been following the news, but I'm gonna need way more than three wishes!"

"I think I'm falling in love."