Generational Issues Gifts

"It's all your fault! Trump wouldn't be president if you millennials had gone out to vote!"

Pre-Old Blues

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"Nice haircut."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"We added it just for the millenials."

"How come they remember every word of any pop song but not a single line of poetry?"

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Fred Philpot, Born 1944.

The Ageing Process.

Millennials in the Year 2050...

"Thank you for your service."

'...and so begins the generation gap.'

"Generation X, Y or Z? No idea. My brat is Generation SLSLWMAF - Stinkin' Lazy, Still Living with Mom at Forty."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"That's right, son. God knew everything before Google."

Lemonade/Prune-aid

'They're not reliable.'

"Google says it's some form of ancient timing device."

"The floor is now open for discussion of what to name ou generation."

"It's a cereal box. It's not supposed to be interactive!"

"How long do you think it'll take before he realizes I took his phone away?"

"My dad and I are trading important life skills. He's teaching me how to change the oil in the car."

"How did people waste time before computers?"

Never Trust Anyone Under Thirty

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

'That's the trouble with the older generation...they're too intolerant.'

"No, grandpa...LGBT is not some new kind of bacon, lettuce and tomato snadwich."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My mother doesn't want me to get a tattoo, but I disagree. I believe that a tattoo would be very attractive. What do you think? - Jessica, rebellious daughter. *(Actual reader letter). Is this serious? Is this a real letter? They're all real. I am stunned. Stunned? What is wrong with children? Defying their mothers? Do you know what would happen if we had defied our parents like that? What? They'd have sent us to live in the old country with our illiterate cousins who left

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie?'" "Are America's best days behind us?" "Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in grade school when the schoolmarm told little Jebediah Thistlewood to pull up his knickers. The next day, Jebediah's pa came to school and said 'In my day, a man was free enough to wear his trousers 'round his ankles if he wanted to. This used to be one humdinger of a country.'" "I still have no idea what he was talking about." "I don't even remember what I asked you."