Generational Conflict Gifts

A father scolding his son.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"Nice haircut."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'Beware of the teenager.'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"1971... 2015..."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"Gramps, you were alive before everyone knew what you were doing on social media... What was that called?" "Bliss!"

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'...and so begins the generation gap.'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

The Ageing Process.

"Don't tell grandmom about your computer's virus. She'll just tell you to download chicken soup."

"How long do you think it'll take before he realizes I took his phone away?"

"In my day men waited till they did some damage to their kidneys before they relieved themselves."

'I spent lots of time on line when I was your age... hanging clothes in the back yard!'

"Tell us another story where you interject with a reminder that nobody had cell phones then."

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

'Well, I find it intimidating. I mean, any minute they could fall down completely!'

"No, grandpa...LGBT is not some new kind of bacon, lettuce and tomato snadwich."

'Glastonbury? You've been up to no good in some young man's bedsit, haven't you! Mud sticks, y'know.'

'Sorry, I only do traditional handshakes.'

"Grandpa, how old were you when you learned how to velcro your sneakers?"

Old Ringed Planet: '( Humph! ) Teenagers.'

"I worry about Gramma. What if I decide to have kids when I grow up? Will she still be there to raise them?"

"That film broke all records for keeping that key 16 to 39 year old demographic distracted from reality."

'The stylist got our instructions mixed up.'

"You know the employees are getting younger when they give a lecture on the dangers of acne."