Generational Guru Gifts

How aging affects drug use...'You're on drugs, aren't you?' 'You're off your meds, aren't you?'

'One thing wrong with the younger generation, we don't belong to it anymore.'

"It's the Silicon Valley foundation - they want to know if we'll match our grandson's $100 million donation."

"What the hell is a whippersnapper!?"

"They're baby boomers - like, you know, really old."

"Someday when you have children of your own, you’ll understand why I dress you like ‘an idiot.’"

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"Sorry, I don't speak Millennial."

"Dad, how does the outdoors work without batteries?"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Aging Support Group

DNA Analysis.

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

'I know it's hard to believe. But biological speaking, they're our closest relatives.'

'DNA...nature's bar code.'

'ADN'

'I find it harder and harder to get any work done with all the ethicists hanging around.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

When it comes to texting, she's all thumbs.'

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

Medical Lab. Ernie, we call it a "paternity test," not a "pop quiz."

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

Profits from gene patenting.

Happy Face Grows Third Eye.

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

Snakecharming.

"You won't see a more naturally gifted skater."