General Counsel Gifts

a new hire signing a loyalty oath

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

The Devil's in the detail!

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'This conspiracy theory nonsense MUST end. Any suggestions?'

"The enemy will never be able to spot our troops in the new camouflage scheme General."

"It's the kind of missile system that says, 'Hey, these peace negotiations aren't really going very well.'"