Genealogical Guru T-Shirts

'They're from my mother's side of the family.'

Mother Cyclops: 'He has your eye,'

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

Several generations live together in Cuba

Family DNA

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

Welsh airport arrivals.

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'He's got your nose.'

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

DNA Analysis.

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

'I know it's hard to believe. But biological speaking, they're our closest relatives.'

'DNA...nature's bar code.'

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

"You get your hair from your father's side..."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

Jerk Gene

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'ADN'

'I find it harder and harder to get any work done with all the ethicists hanging around.'

Taken genetic engineering too far

"Some genetic engineers we turned out to be!"

"Ma didn't want to leave out anyone."

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'This reminds me...what generation iPhone are you?'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

How Moms explain.

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

Medical Lab. Ernie, we call it a "paternity test," not a "pop quiz."