Gene Patent Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Gene Therapy

'A geneticist laid bare my genetic blueprint, and I feel violated.'

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'

'It's better than we expected. Now the sheep produce wool in the winter and cotton in the summer.'

"Nothing feels better after a long day's hunting than a nice, long soak in the hot-wheel."

Some genetically engineered pig

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

'Ahhh . . . he's got your original nose.'

'Well great, he's seen it! There goes one more invention they'll get credit for!'

'No, actually THIS invented me!'

'Happy New Ear!'

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

"I don't know whether we should keep it a secret or call the world press!?"

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"See? That's why my Mom wanted me to get her genetics."

'Leonardo's Lament' - 'I have nothing to do.'

Gene Expression

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

'And that's how we discovered curly genes, or, as Dr. Crick insists on calling them, 'DNA'.'

Patent attorney tries a murder case': "You say footprints from a fleetline running shoe (pat. pending) were found outside the wetha-gard window (pat. no B14-300-T92)..."

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

DNA Analysis

'It used to be a dairy farm, but now the milk produces therapeutic proteins, and the eggs contain antibiotics.'

Specialized regions in a couple of human chromosomes.

Prehistoric Doughnut Stand.

'These were developed in the 1980s - they're a heritage genetically modified variety.'

Designer Baby.

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

'Yeah, so our parents used to run together... what of it?'

"Well, if you really can prove that you invented the wheel, you'll be due an awful lot of backdated royalty payments!"