Genalogy Gifts

Regrets Only

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Several generations live together in Cuba

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Family DNA

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"Why mum, I didn't know that you had written a book."

Welsh airport arrivals.

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Changes at home

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

Frankenstein's Ancestry