Gemstone Admirer Mugs

M.D. You've got Rhinestones.

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

"Or we could tally the sheep like this."

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

Riverboat 4 Square Hustlers

Piles of trash discarded by ancient people are a rich source of artifacts for archaeologists. I unearthed garbage dumps that advanced our understanding of prehistoric societies. On the island of Crete I found ancient trash that increased our knowledge about the Minoan people. And I recently uncovered informative Celtic rubbish. Please stop saying studying ancient cultures by what they threw away is "junk science"!

Sistine Selfie

"I always thought of my childhood home as being larger."

The Death Of Venus

The First Cone of Shame.

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Caveman invents an armchair and his dog sits in it.

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

"It was her mothers"

"What makes you question our motives for coming here?"

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

Redecorating Easter Island.

Will you be mine?

This will really mess with their minds someday.

Pisa Hut.

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

Easter Island Tours. Theories differ. Ernie believes they were used to display a selection of giant wigs.

Teddy Roosevelt

Museum. It's a shame life isn't like European history with a renaissance following middle ages! (Published originally on May 26, 2013.)

Too young for the sixties, too squeamish for the seventies, too unambitious for the eighties, too technophobic for the 90s, too poor for the '00s, too old for the 'teens."

"I think I'm lost."

Hans Holbein

Helicopter tour guide: 'And THERE they are folks! The mysterious ancient stone figures of Easter Bunny Island!'

"Who are you callin' a low down snake-in-the-grass? That's upright snake-on-a-barstool to you, mister."

A Gambling Scene At Pike's Peak, Colorado

Moai having a lightbulb moment