Geckos Pillows

"It's those eyes."

Gecko small talk: 'Whenever I stick to glass, I really amaze them.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Build your very own conflict of interest!

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Stand-up Romcom

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

The Age of Reptiles. . .

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

Canadian film production

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'