Gas Station Regular Gifts

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

'Fill it faster,the price has gone up twice since you started.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

Prawn Cocktail Please

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'