Garden Designer T-Shirts

'He took a fetching class.'

Dun Decking

Chelsea flower show sewage

'It's the only way to get to see their more inaccessible plants!'

'Don't wear that shirt in the garden dear. Roses don't fit in with my planting scheme'

'Too small for Santa I'm afraid-but with a fishing rod you would be a WOW in our roof garden!'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Sophisticated garden - low maintenance garden

'Like I'm going to give this up to migrate.'

"It's a fantastic design.It looks very mystical!""Actually I copied it from the logo of a road haulage company."

"I should have called first. I'm here to blow your leaves.

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Gardener

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

Sale! Weed Whackers

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

California Gold...field of poppies with matching border

"I think I picked the wrong spot to plant that apple tree."

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

'Think, son! What was that formula you fed that tree?!'

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

Weeds

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

Burt was a true artist and conservationist. He recycled his beer cans...Making an ornate garden wall and rockery.

"Ooh, another unsuspecting victim."

Zenboni

'Not that sort of rock garden!'

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

'It's that damned gnome that attracts them!'

Topiary: When the written word isn't enough

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'Excuse me, do you know any aliens who do landscaping?'