Garden Chuckler T-Shirts

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Hardy Annuals

"Garden variety allergies."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Yard Sale

Beginning Yarder.

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"What are you in for?"

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'...and this is the water garden...'

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'Where are you going?'

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

Balding gnomes

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

Now THAT, my friend, is a beer garden!

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

"Have you seen my hot water bottle?"

"I'm getting awfully tired of raking up you underwear..."

"I've found the lawnmower!"

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!