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"The good news is it's the size of a baseball."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'Death doesn't frighten me, but the night nurse does...'

"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."

"Well, I guess we can leave the sign as it is."

"Mind if I turn my hearing aid down?"

Hypochondriac's grave stone says 'Told you so.'

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

"He's in denial."

'It's his first offense.'

'I think he would have wanted it that way.'

'Not everyone is cut out for this business but it's a living.'

"It's tough to goof off in this job. When you call in sick, they make you come in."

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

"People tend to take the news better when I bring Princess Cupcake."

"I'm just the anesthesiologist."

I love my job.

"And for your last meal. . . any dietary requirements?"

"The warden will appreciate this. . . his toaster is on the blink."

"Oh, no! Your boss enclosed your severance check in his get-well card!"

"I'd say you can continue to eat, drink and make merry… but you'd better be quick."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

Divorced: Ex marks the spot

"Do you have one that says: 'I know someone who died from what you have'?"

'He was extremely proud of the fact that he was one of the lucky ones chosen to participate in a bold new medical experiment.'

Reaper Surgeon: 'Scythe'

'You've got six months to live -- but on the plus side they're naming the disease after me.'

"No, the urns are pretty much one size fits all."

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"Doctor, enough with the ‘clear.’ My husband’s dead!"

"If you folks can give me a couple minutes, I do believe a table’s opening up."

"Finally, Honey – an end to your snoring."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"