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"Well, you're no masterpiece yourself."

"This one I feel like protecting, the others I don't."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

The Rise of Modern Art

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Private Viewing

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

"That must be the artist over there."

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"'Talent borrows, genius steals' - that's one of mine, too."

"It's a great work!"

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'You're no Pollock.'

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

Francoise Gilot

Understanding art.

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."