Gallery Owners Gifts

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

It's a call from Tate modern.

Misunderstood artist

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

'Projectile painting.'

Painting taking root...

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Escher exhibition first floor

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

German School