Gallery Owners Gifts

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Misunderstood artist

It's a call from Tate modern.

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Painting taking root...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

German School

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.