Gala Night Pillows

"The first prize goes to WIlbur Van Zick who slept with nine out ten members of the jury. The second prize with eight members goes to..."

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Blue Dress and Feather

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

A man looks up at the earth

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Masquerade

Elegant woman in backless dress.

'You deserve some unabashed fun once in a while.'

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

'Relax, I think it just wants the chum pizza.'

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

The nonprofit dog fight.

'How about this for the masked ball?'

Man in a Tuxedo

'You dance like my mother.'

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

"Somebody order a pizza?"

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

A woman in a purple gown playing the piano

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fund raiser."

'You've definitely mastered it, Richard, but not every song is appropriate for the chicken dance.'

Long Speech Alarm at Company Dinner

"Don't worry. These rosés are still fresh."