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"Wow! I can feel it tingle so it must be getting rid of my dandruff!"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Lavatory Waterfall

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

"You must see someone about your problem."

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

Wise man scaring baby Jesus.

"Here he comes! Don't move."