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Elevator stops suddenly.

'If the jacuzzi's not working, why the bubbles?'

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

'Well of course I'm not tired of living. What a frightfully silly thing to say!'

The Paper Silhouette Editor

OJ Simpson - Pop Up If I Did It (Here's how it happened).

Salesman sees house with a HUGE doggy door.

"You idiot!! When I said he should sleep wid da fishes, I did not mean in the F#5&@ city awarium!"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Lavatory Waterfall

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

"You must see someone about your problem."

The Fart Side