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'You know I gave up sex and booze. . .it was the toughest ten minutes of my like.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Bubble Gum Farms.

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Labrador Non-retriever

Lavatory Waterfall

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

The magic of April Fools' morning.

Paul McCartney, The Surgeon - "I want to hold your gland yeah, yeah, yeah..."

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

Toe-Tickling Machine

The Fart Side

Wise man scaring baby Jesus.

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

"Here he comes! Don't move."