Future Plotter T-Shirts

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

"I'm super excited about this fabulous opportunity to improve!"

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

Finally - a software package that makes it snap to write that novel.

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

I'm not avoiding you!

'Spinach: The Prequel'

'...And after the superpowers have knocked each other out, WE take over!'

'It's Gardner's Question Time for you.'

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

'Frankly, your investment portfolio dropping 42 isn't quite the mystery plot we're looking for.'

I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.

Let's see - what kind of war should we have now?

'Have you lost the plot?'

'Shhh. He's just playin' dead. Thinks he can survive the Flush.'

'In some states, this would be a felony.'

Desk bins: Exposition, Complication, Climax, Resolution.

"Actually, I'v done some of my most devious thinking in the old time-out chair."

Look to the future, where it's only a matter of time before,,,We have Sports Utility Shopping Carts

'Wonderful thing is hindsight - why didn't we have the foresight to use it earlier?'

"I built this scale model of town to plan out our bank robbery. I added the volcano for dramatic effect."

Rudy says you've asked him to go shopping with you tomorrow. That's right. To be clear, we're talking about Rudy, my nephew, who you profess to dislike with a passion. Profess? Are you suggesting I actually like him? You miserable coot, I'm not merely professing, I genuinely think he's a first-rate materialistic jerk. You're up to something. It's delicious. Stay tuned.

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'

"You can be whatever you want to be when you grow, thanks to identity theft."